Parenting is hard! That’s not a groundbreaking statement, just an honest one. There are many aspects of parenting that are tough, but I think one of the toughest is when you have to do something that you know is right but that is going to upset your child. It’s called parenting, and so it is necessary. But that doesn’t mean that you have to like it. Marriage is hard. Again, this isn’t a groundbreaking or earth-shattering statement. Love is easy when the person you love, loves you back. However, true love displays itself not just in the easy times, but in the most difficult times. When I sit down with couples for pre-marital counseling, one of the things that I go over with them the most happens to be the vows they are going to recite on their wedding day. I don’t go over them to get the wording down. Rather, I stress to them the one-sidedness of what they are saying. Marriage is a covenant relationship. The very nature of a covenant is that it is one-sided. It is a contract that is two-sided. On your wedding day, you profess to love, honor, cherish in good times and bad times. Nowhere in the vows do you say that you will do those things as long as the other person deserves it, or gives it in return to you. You are declaring what you are going to do in any and all circumstances. Of course the basis for this covenant agreement is that it was first displayed to us by Jesus on the cross. It is further seen in the relationship between Jesus and His church. This is why Paul uses the example of Jesus and the church as the picture of what marriage is supposed to be like in Ephesians 5. In 2 Corinthians, Paul displays this covenant love for the Corinthians, not in good times, but in difficult times. Paul is confused, because he had been displaying love for the Corinthians in person and in his letters, but the Corinthians were turning on him. Instead, they were willing to listen to false teachers who were using the Corinthians for their own gain. This broke Paul’s heart, and he was hopeful that God would correct it. Yet, Paul expressed his love for the Corinthians in spite of how they were treating him. We see it in 2 Corinthians 12:15, “And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved.”
I don’t know about you, but I can hear the pain in Paul’s words right there. The false teachers were using the Corinthians, and essentially getting wealthy off of them. Yet, Paul never asked for a penny from them. He gave of his time and his abilities for the glory of God and the good of the Corinthians. He did all of this because he loved God and he loved them. He wasn’t complaining. In fact, he essentially says he would do it all over again, even if he knew it would turn out the same way. Paul’s love for the Corinthians wasn’t because of their love for him or what they could provide for him. He loved them, because God loved them and because he loved God. The truly painful part was that the more he showed his love, the less he felt love in return. It’s the parent who disciplines their child, who receives a tongue lashing from their child. That parent says, “I’m doing this for your own good”, who stays strong in front of the child, but then goes to their room and cries because their heart is broken over having to discipline the child they love. It is the parent who continues to love and sacrifice for their child, even as their child says mean and hurtful things to them. It’s the husband or wife who continues to love and sacrifice for their spouse, even though their spouse doesn’t reciprocate that love.
What enabled Paul to love like this, what enables a parent or a spouse to love like this, is God in us. The human instinct when we get hurt is to lash out or to run away. We try to talk ourselves out of ever loving again, because we don’t want to get hurt again. Yet, the most biblical thing we can do is often the hardest thing to do. In the moment where someone is loving us the least is when we need to show them love the most. That goes against everything that comes natural to us. Yet, if we want to show true love, we will deny our self, and demonstrate the love that God has shown to us. Jesus’ example for us is what need to learn from and imitate. But to do it, it takes dependence on Jesus, and strength from Jesus to do it. Praise God, He will give it to us, if we ask Him for it.
By His grace and for His glory,
Pastor Justin